i ~~ 4 u.
I write for you.I never knew it until now, at 2:54 a.m.
I always thought my writing style, as genuine as I liked to call it, was MY creativity shining, like that I see in each of my siblings. I felt it was a quality that I simply "lacked."
But in writing my last..."story," in trying to discover and create the perfect marriage of words, of spacing and physical appearance more so than punctuation and grammar, instantaneously, as if the image had just passed my eyes, I remembered the exact visual structure of the poem that You wrote about Me.
Your distinct font- size and shape- and clever indentations, skillful synonyms, analogous patterns and surprisingly meaningful artwork that accompanied and complemented your words amazed me beyond comprehension.
I never saw You as complicated; intricately designed; with layers. I never looked beyond the superficial, despite the strength of our bond, until being presented with Your words. I took you for face-value - figured all I saw was all I'd get.
And now, the small and meaningless glory that I've come to find, WrongfullY, for myself, you strip away.
Without so much as a warning...without a care...without a thought even
So as to quietly slip away, again, from my love.
airplane mode
There was absolutely, beyond any doubt, a kid-like and overwhelming bit of emotion that came over me from the moment we pulled off. The reality of FLYING! As common as the action now is, to take part in such, for yourself, is nothing short of thrilling.The descent past the clouds was not breath-taking, as I unconsciously allowed a "Whoa..." to slip out of my rather wide lips. Though I felt the passenger in front of me glance back in disbelief, I couldn't help but to gaze in awe; press my hand against the window.
A field of white as far as I could see, every now and then parted by plane tracks; hypnotizing. "What ifs?" and "I wish's" erode your mind as you feel dangerously close to the sun and even closer to The Exception.
Somewhere past the nausea, ear-ache, and almost nose-bleed, the descent begins. The pilot zig-zags through the air, dropping lower and lower with each turn. Land now replacing cloud as well as your SuperHuman feeling. Reality strikes and you fall back into your regular, ordinary, (boring) self.
leaving your out-of-body experience in the clouds...
~ comments welcome ~
FAIR??
fair?? its the end of the semester and i tried to sell my books back for "Ca$h" ;) No.Denied.
Its bad enough that the "deal" is to recieve HALF of (and sometimes less than) the amount yu paid for the book, but nOw, they tell you they're "upgrading to a better book and will not buy yours" which is SOMEWHAT understandable...i guess.
the other excuse, my favorite, is that "they dont need anymore." -_-
this has happened now with 1, 2, 3 of my books from this past semester.
so i started thinking about how unfair that was.
then i realized that the purpose of college is to prepare us for the real world - that IT is unfair, so Deal.
which of course made me question further where the unfairness plays in.
and i've found this - that all kinds of institutions around us, prior to college, are unfair.
it is unfair of them to cradle us in a mindset regarding fair treatment of others - kind language, kind behavior.
it is unfair of society to baby and brainwash us into believing in fairness and equality when once we've "grown up" (turned 18 according to society) we are FORCED to accustom ourselves of the exact opposite!
"if you want something in life, go get it. no one will give it to you."
"yu have to conform to certain ways of society in order to move up the social ladder"
...
how dare they make us believe in a world of unity, equality, love, opportunity, eternity, wealth, health - FAIRNESS!!
if the plan is to STRIP those ideas all at once??
[Granted, this was written purely out of anger, so some ideals (religion) were not taken into account.]
nothing speciaL
so i have this best friend.
dont get me wrong, shes honestly the best friend i've had, but she always avoids telling me her deep thoughts.
she cares enough to start a conversation,
inquire about my feelings,
relationships,
family,
...
but it used to be that when i would try to reciprocate the concern, she would close up, put her guard up or something.
so we got past the surface, and she now admits to her feelings. HOWEVER, when i try to really understand and ask questions, really grasp the situation, she reverts back to closing up.
like i said, this is "nothing speciaL"
just a failed attempt at reciprocation i suppose...
.venting.
When you find the man you love, he can do no wrong. Until that instance where you begin to wonder...why would he do that? Was it something I did to provoke it or was that just something he does that I never knew he did.Then it happens again.
This provokes your first fight.
The fight broadcasts your emotions and love for each other - which ensures your first make-up.
As time goes on, you begin to fall, deeper and deeper until you reach the point where you know, without a doubt, you're truly in love.
He does it again.
And again...
And again.
Finally you realize you can't take it, decide to look out for yourself, and let go.
This KILLS you inside, but you think this is best.
And besides - once your mind is made up, there's no going back, for the sole sake of keeping your word.
Every. single. time you see him you think of the times you used to share.
What you used to do.
How much you're still in love...But you also think of why it can no longer be.
Because it alone is what's keeping you from apologizing and getting things back to what you had.
Back to perfection.
Time passes.
You Ignore.
You Forget.
You Move On.
It becomes easier but no sooner than it takes seasons to change..
You feel as though you owe yourself the chance to move on, to be happy and to find another.
Then you see him.
Moved on.
Happy.
With another.
Wasn't this supposed to happen? Didn't you tell yourself he wasn't right for you? Didn't you make the request to move on? Yes..
So again the process begins.
Forget.
Ignore.
Move on.
Nothing else to do.
You've made your decision and so has he.
Dec 28, 2009